i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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