After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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