I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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