I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
