How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
