So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
