There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
