i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
