I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
