I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
