I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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