Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
