You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
