my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
