shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
