I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i think my cat just said my name.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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