So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
