hell yes lets make some ravioli
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize