I CAN MOONWALK!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
