Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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