she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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