So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
