someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
