I think I am morally bankrupt
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
