We named our party play list daddy issues
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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