hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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