i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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