How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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