Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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