I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize