I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
