I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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