I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
