he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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