You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
