I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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