Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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