Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
