dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
