I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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