Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
