i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
