thus making me awesome and them whores
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
