Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
