K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
