btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
lets start a swedish sibling band together
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
