Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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