Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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