Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
