considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
