hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
