Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
