I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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