I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
