I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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