And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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