Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
