so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
