You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
