i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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