He uses pillows to masturbate.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
