I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
