It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
