Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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