I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
