also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize