He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
