I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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