Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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