Even water is tasting like jack daniels
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
