shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
how does that bad decision feel?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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