So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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