Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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