things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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