I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
