I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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